I was right. I regret writing about my new
job. It’s over.
The vice president of Operations told me the bad news Aug. 26, barely
a month after I’d started. The company’s small staff is swamped with the
accompanying demands of growth. The executives prioritized – and they deemed
they could temporarily shelve documentation.
As an ironic compliment, the veep told me they couldn’t keep up with
my output. Three internal procedure manuals, seven Web pages, six white
papers, and an order form remain unreviewed in his inbox. I had more on
the way, too.
The execs hope to work with me again, soon – possibly within 30 to
60 days, albeit part time. But I could tell, reading their eyes, that it
killed them to envision a top-notch professional slipping away from them.
Just as I envisioned my gains and joys of the last several weeks slipping
away from me.
Even a dog gets a warm piece of the sidewalk.1 Jobs
this good don’t come along often enough. The work was interesting. I got
to write a little of everything I’ve ever written before professionally,
and then some. My ad copy will appear in a supplement to the September
issue of Mobile Enterprise magazine. Unfortunately, everything else is
covered under the non-disclosure agreement I signed. Unfortunate, because
what you can’t read is some of the best technical writing I’ve ever done.
Now I have to scramble to maintain my financial momentum, which determines
everything else, including my general mood.
Excursion Highlights
Aug. 21: I attended the Ijagbemi-Garcia
wedding in Garland. It was a lovely affair. I drove up leisurely,
changed into formal attire at the church, and still sweated through
a brisk, 70-minute service. "You had to make it an August wedding," I ribbed
the groom.
Labor Day: I eschewed a semi-salsa cruise on Lake
Travis to play for free at the Bluebonnet Hill Golf Course. From the gently
rolling, manicured vistas, I could see the Decker Creek Power Plant to
the west, the cluster of cell phone towers to the east, and the mixed
commercial-light industrial-zoned corrugated metal buildings along Highway
290 to the north. Unfortunately, dozens of other men had the same idea as
me. Most resorted to zipping from hole to hole in golf carts while the loudspeakers
at the clubhouse exhorted everyone to play fast so they could finish
their rounds within four hours. So much for genteel leisure. Especially
with a game that requires patience. One golfer behind me said, “Tiger
Woods ain’t helping me, and taking the day off ain’t helping me. I might
as well’ve gone to work today.”2
I played until sweat streaked my lenses. It was a cue to head indoors.
But in my short time of play I reduced my strokes, even with the putter,
where my game usually falls apart. Imagine the improvements if I actually
had time and money to play every day. However, my worst experiences dancing
are still better than even my best day on the links:
Après Moi, Le Deluge
On Sep. 3, Fox News’ Geraldo Rivera described post-flood New Orleans
as a “cesspool.”3 In this, Rivera, whose life and career
have been something of a cesspool,4 mimicked experts
who worried that Hurricane Katrina would turn New Orleans into a “vast
cesspool” tainted with toxic chemicals and human waste.5
Well, to hear and read others describe it over the years, New Orleans
was already a vast cesspool, one where one trod through other
people’s vomit on the streets and passed by public blowjobs during
Mardi Gras.6My brother,
who hasn’t visited, once speculated the city must be the sleaziest
place on earth, “because it combines the two sleaziest cultures: Southern
and French.” I haven’t even touched on the natives’ propensity for
occult practices,7 or its infamous political corruption,8
from the pickpockets it sends to Congress9 to the
cop on the beat, who’s just as likely to rob and murder you as give you
a ticket.10
Maybe it wasn’t such a hot idea to build a major city below water
level on a swamp.11 But why didn’t the authorities deploy bags
of rice to soak up the water? Then they could’ve sold it to tourists as
Cajun dirty rice.
In related developments, Fats Domino turned up safely after concerns
as to his whereabouts. I was vaguely under the impression he’d died years
ago. Sorry, Fats.12
Austin Death Watch
At least New Orleans has force majeure to explain its woes. What’s
Austin’s excuse?
Environmentalists ensconced in the Texas bureaucracy have imposed emissions
testing on drivers in Travis County, even though Steve Ravet, chairman
of the of Texas LP’s Transportation Committee, has pointed out that “program
neglects to test diesels, the dirtiest part of the vehicle pool, and puts
an undue burden on individuals, often those with low incomes, even though
much of Austin’s pollution blows in from places like Houston.”13
Speaking of emissions, Austin’s smoking ban in bars and restaurants
went into effect at 12:01 a.m. on Sep. 1.14 However, the
Austin Police Department isn’t enforcing the ordinance or writing citations.15
Instead, City Hall is putting the onus on the bars to enforce the
ordinance, under threat of hefty fines.16 As a result,
attendance and receipts are down, at least among the taverns along Sixth
Street and Red River.17 The law has hurt dives the worst.
The City Council also decided to screw up the roads on either side
of the Colorado River downtown. Cesar Chavez Street will turned into a
two-way thoroughfare between San Antonio and Brazos streets; Riverside
Drive will be narrowed from four lanes to two; and South Congress Avenue
will be torn up for repairs between Barton Springs Road and Bouldin Creek.
Official cost: More than $1 million a month.18
Neighborhood News
The Statesman reports that Endeavor Real Estate Group is buying the
rest of the property next to its Domain shopping centers project, between
MoPac Expressway, Burnet Road and Braker Lane, for $45 million.19
Endeavor envisions the Domain as Austin’s answer to Houston’s Galleria.20
La Mamma Pizza opened at the Metric Place strip mall, which has
been nearly deserted in all the time I’ve lived
here. On Aug. 31, KAMX-FM reported a collision at Highway 183 and Braker.
Business Roundup
Delta Air Lines now offers non-stop flights from Austin to New York
City.21 The newest addition to the San Marcos factory
outlets opened Sep. 2. One of the new outlet stores is White House/Black
Market. (Insert political joke here.)22
arthur magazine has a feature on the indigenous entrepreneurs of
Peru who have become rich supplying naïve, post-Enlightenment Westerners
medicinal potions of dubious effectiveness at extravagant prices.23
1 Hendrickson, Robert. New Yawk Tawk: A Dictionary of New
York City Expressions. New York City: Facts on File Books, 1998: 170. 2 Pierce, Charles P. “The Man. Amen.” GQ Apr. 1997: 196. 3 Fox News, 3 Sep. 2005. 4 Queenan, Joe. “Geraldo Exposed.” TAS Oct. 1998: 64. 5 Crenson, Matt. AP. “ ‘Absolutely Worst-Case Scenario.’ ” DT
29 Aug. 2005: 1A. 6 Dr. John [Mac Rebennack], and Jack Rummel. Under a Hoodoo
Moon: The Life of the Night Tripper. New York City: St. Martin's Press,
1994; Holt, Chad. “End of the World Type Shit.” Whoopsy! Sep. 2005:
30; Leonard, Elmore. Bandits. New York City: Arbor House, 1987; Mead,
Walter Russell. “Dancing the Bamboula in Old New Orleans.” GQ Feb. 1993:
164; Trillin, Calvin. “The Town That Practices Parading.” Time 22
Aug. 1988: 30. 7 Reed, Ishmael. Title essay. 1977. Shrovetide in Old New Orleans,
1st ed. Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1978: 9-33. 8 Gold, Victor. “All the Duke’s Men.” TAS Feb. 1992: 36; Truscott,
Lucien K. IV. “Hate Gets a Haircut.” Esquire Nov. 1989: 174; Warren,
Robert Penn. All the King’s Men, restored ed. Orlando, Fla.: Harcourt,
2001; Wills, Garry. “David Duke’s Addictive Politics.” Time 1 Oct.
1990: 43. 9 Cook, A. “ ‘Goodbye to Me, Hello to We.’ ” Esquire Mar.
1991: 98; Draper, Robert. “Elegy for Edwin Edwards, Man of the People.” GQ
July 2000: 160; Gold. “American Hayride.” TAS Mar. 2000: 34; Gold. “The Coonass
King and the Guru.” TAS Oct. 1991: 14. 10 Gwynne, S.C. “Cops and Robbers.” Time 20 Mar. 1995:
45. 11 Kelman, Ari. A River and Its City: The Nature of Landscape
in New Orleans. Berkeley, Calif.: U of California P, 2003. 12 Coyle, Jake. “Katrina Felt Across Entertainment World.” DT
2 Sep. 2005: 1C. 13 Mottola, Daniel. “New, Pricier Car Inspections Start Today.”
AC 2 Sep. 2005: 22. 14 Barnes, Michael. “Austin Kicks the Habit This Week, and It
Probably Won’t Hurt.” XL 1 Sep. 2005: 4; Callahan, Kevin M. “No Smoking in
Austin.” AS 1 Sep. 2005: A1-2; Price, Asher. “One Last Drag as Clubs Go Smokeless.”
AAS 2 Sep. 2005: B1+. 15 Covici, Adam H., and Adrienne Lee. “Police Department Lax on
Enforcement of Smoking Ban.” DT 2 Sep. 2005: 1A. 16 Stevens, Darcie. “911, We’ve Got a Smoker.” AC 2 Sep. 2005:
56+. 17 AD No. 29n54 (Sep. 4, 2001); Gray, Christopher. "Red
River Valley." AC 22 Jun. 2001: 60+. 18 Wear, Ben. “Council Signals Change of Lanes.” AAS 2 Sep. 2005:
B1+. 19 AD No. 56n49 (Oct. 1, 2003); Novak, Shonda. “Endeavor
Buying 170-Acre Domain.” AAS 7 Sep. 2005: C1-2. 20 AD No. 71 (Sep. 15, 2004); Novak, op. cit. 21 Hawkins, Lori. “City Gets Nonstop Flights to New York.” AAS
1 Sep. 2005: C1+. 22 Friedman, Alan. Spider’s Web: The Secret History of How
the White House Illegally Armed Iraq. New York City: Bantam Books, 1993. 23 Reeves, David. “Tropic of Cancer.” arthur Sep. 2005:
34-36.
