“Intellectual kneecappings
on demand.”
|
at the O-naugural
|
Austin
Dispatches
|
No.
122
|
Feb. 8, 2009
|
WASHINGTON, D.C. – An imposter almost thwarted Barack Hussein Obama
in the final stretch along the road to the White House. Despite Obama’s
Secret Service protection, extra layers of security around the Capital,1
and precautions such as removing public garbage cans,2
these government employees were ineffectual in preventing a faux Obama who
advocated pulling troops out of the Mideast, repealing the PATRIOT Act,
and making U.S. dollars redeemable in gold again. Naturally, he had to be
stopped.3
However, our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man happened to be available
to save the day.4 I.e., he continued the long tradition
of superheroes, usually private actors, buttressing the corporatist, managerial-therapeutic,
warfare-welfare state. Why do you think they really wear masks?
Thus, at the stroke of noon on a cold, clear Jan. 20, Obama stepped
to the lectern to be sworn in as president by U.S. Chief Justice John
Roberts. Whereupon they flubbed the recitation of the oath of office, just
as they’ve flubbed their constitutionally proscribed roles.5
Actually, the swearing-in was somewhat anticlimactic because that hyped
event was something Americans have speculated about since at least the ‘60s.6
He couldn’t even inspire an outstanding tune out of the dozens composed
worldwide during the campaign. In fairness, neither could Ron Paul. The musicians must’ve decided
not to waste interesting melodies on mere presidential candidates. It’s
not like the good old days of the Reagan administration. Now there was a
president who could inspire tunes.7
Two days earlier, Obama told a Washington rally that there’s no obstacle
that can’t be overcome.8 What he may only dimly realize, because
he’s succumbed to his own hype, is that he and his ilk are the chief
obstacles we must overcome.9
For example, he has a record of ducking tough votes. When he did vote,
it was in tandem with the likes of nominal rival
John McCain, to expand the size and scope of the corporatist state.10
For example, the inauguration cost a record $170 million, the cost of
which was partially borne by Wall Street executives from the corporations they voted to bail out last fall.
Elsewhere, that’s known as a kickback.11
In other cartoonish aspects of the inaugural, a lawyer complained that
5,000 port-a-potties wasn’t enough.12 The Whiskey Rebel estimated
in his online diary that each portable toilet would have to accommodate
an average of 200 to 400 people and securely contain at least 28 gallons
of human waste in a congested environment.13
Between that and the missing garbage cans, the crowd of
about 1.8 million people left at least 130 tons of garbage for the National
Park Service to clean up.14 All of which proves what many of
us have known for years: Washington is full of crap.
I don’t emphasize this aspect of the inauguration just because it’s
funny. Rather, it’s an effective metaphor for the Obama administration.
While he’s droning away in the presidential bubble, his supporters who
lacked enough “clout” for the VIP section were out in the cold and deprived
even of satisfactory relief.15 In fact, this is why the
black superheroes were unavailable – they were stuck in line to use the
toilets. After all, what’s more important, Obama’s golden moment, or your
bowels? If you have to think about your answer, you probably voted for
Obama. Even ticket holders were turned away.16 If he’ll
do that to his own supporters, imagine how he’ll treat the rest of us.
“Fool Me... and Won't Get Fooled Again.”
The day’s highlight came when the inauguration crowd audibly booed
the incumbent in his last minutes in office. Dubya’s expression indicated
even he got the message.17 Austin Dispatches, of course, had
been warning the world about Dubya before he was president.18
Similarly, we were onto Obama years ago.19
Which brings me to the one good point in all this: Obama replaces George
W. Bush, a pseudo-religious, wastrel, sociopathic scion20 of
a particularly venal patrician political dynasty,21 who campaigned as a yokel, ruled as a tyrant,22
and left us and our country poorer, weaker, and further shackled than before.23
So much so that he ties with Woodrow Wilson as the worst U.S. president ever,24
a verdict that may be revised in Wilson’s favor as further evidence is uncovered.25
May his future gravesite be perpetually soaked in urine from those he’s
wronged.
On the Town
Jan. 6: At dinner in North Austin with several acquaintances,
a colleague – who shall remain nameless for the sake of his career – attempted
to gain the table’s attention with a disgusting account of behavior he
witnessed in the men’s room at the Nashville airport. I won’t burden you
with the details, but it was disgusting – hilariously so. I thought, anyway.
Everyone else thought it was inappropriate for the dinner table. If only
they knew.26
Later, someone else critiqued the new Tom Cruise Nazi movie as dull.27
Cruise was earnest and presumably Aryan, perhaps because he couldn’t peer
over his Ray-Bans and flash a cocky grin, or dance about in his underwear.28
Seemingly, he also has the rare knack of making Nazis boring.29
Jan. 22: With creeping age, “Melanie Ordones Welker” appears
to have finally relaxed in my presence.30 We caught up
at Austin Uptown’s salsa social.
“I still should be looking for a job, but I haven’t been,” she said.
“I shouldn’t brag, but I just paid off my car
note. That way I have a place to live, no matter what happens,”
I said, to her genuine laughter.
The Master Gets the Last Word
My favorite author, John Updike, died Jan. 27, age 76.31
His work was among my earliest serious adult reading, after I graduated
from comic books and juvenile histories of World War II. His characters happily
babble in the lingo of their non-literary occupations, rarer in contemporary
fiction than should be. When Updike did write about a writer-protagonist,
it was an excuse to gleefully satirize the literary world.32
He inspired me to become a professional writer, though whether he’d want
to accept such credit will forever remain conjecture.
Characteristically, Updike even got the last word on his death in a
poem published posthumously in the New York Times:
It came to me the other day:
Were I to die, no one would say,
“Oh, what a shame! So young, so full
Of promise — depths unplumbable!”
Instead, a shrug and tearless eyes
Will greet my overdue demise;
The wide response will be, I know,
“I thought he died a while ago.”
For life’s a shabby subterfuge,
And death is real, and dark, and huge.
The shock of it will register
Nowhere but where it will occur.33
The Importance of Being Ernesto
Based on Chronicle articles, “Ché,” the biopic of Ché
Guevara, Communist mass murderer and bungling guerrilla, seems to have
the combined flaws of “Kill Bill” and the definitive
director’s cut of “1900,” a six-hour art film glorifying Italian Reds.34
Months after release, pundits are still nattering about the biopic
“Milk.”35 The openly homosexual San Francisco supervisor, slain
30 years ago by the Zodiac serial killer36 – no, actually
it was a fellow supervisor – instead of being hit by a softball,37
or dying of AIDS38 – has since become the topic of at
least two movies, a stage play, and an opera. That’s just an off-the-cuff
recollection; he may have inspired more additions to that oeuvre that haven’t
impinged on my consciousness. Now that he’s safely dead, Hollywood is happy
to milk his faggotry for all it’s worth, at least at Oscar time. Moreover,
this is the second such flick in two years where the homosexual protagonist
dies violently.39 Is there a subtextual Tinseltown death wish
that media studies professors should be “deconstructing”?
Austin Death Watch
Google shut down its Austin office.40 Freescale Semiconductor
put its workers on a week’s worth of furlough.41 In good news,
the City has imposed a hiring freeze.42
The Statesman reports the cost overruns on the light-rail project were
a “mere” $17 million. The officials who provided the information say that’s
good by the standards of such projects.43 The Senate is balking
at a $27 million price tag to restore the torched Governor’s Mansion. I
like Statesman columnist John Kelso’s suggestion: Buy a doublewide trailer.44
Police report a rise in assaults in most sections of town.45
Meanwhile, a former Austin cop with a chequered career is sitting in the
Williamson County jail on a bank robbery charge.46 The Travis
County Green Party co-chair dropped dead at 44, probably from malnutrition
brought on by an insufficient, vegetarian diet.47 The local
origami social group has folded. The leaders tried to paper over the fact
that it’d lost its edge.
Neighborhood News
On my lunch break, I learned Circuit City declared bankruptcy and is
going out of business. By the time I arrived at the outlet at the Arbor Walk
shopping plaza after work, the selection had been fairly well picked over.
Yet even discounted, the store’s stereo components I want were still priced
higher than what I can pay for them online.48
Cap Metro disrupted traffic, by closing Kramer Lane for upgrades
to the railroad crossing, beginning at the evening rush hour of Jan. 16.
Dumbasses.49 A donut shop opened in the mini-strip mall at Parmer
Lane and Tomanet Trail. An IBC bank branch office has opened in the neighborhood
H-E-B.50
Media Indigest
The January issue of The Good Life is that magazine’s last. Despite
being a “progressive-leaning magazine,” it was still a useful news source.51
DC Comics is cutting back Mad magazine’s publishing schedule to quarterly
instead of monthly. The usual gang of idiots won’t be so usual.52
NOTES
1 “Obama Inauguration Poses Massive Security Challenges.”
The Hamilton Spectator 7 Jan. 2009, final ed.: A1.
2 Dvorak, Petula. “The Trash Was Historic, Too.” WP 22 Jan.
2009: B1.
3 Eisler, Dan. “Another Job for Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man.”
E-mail to Abimbola Ijagbemi, 8 Jan. 2009.
4 Colton, David. “Obama, Spider-Man on the Same Page.” USAT
8 Jan. 2009: 1D.
5 Shear, Michael D. “Obama Sworn in Again, With Right Words.”
WP 22 Jan. 2009: A4.
6 Wallace, Irving. The Man. New York City: Simon and
Schuster, 1964.
7 “Hails to the Chief.” The Onion 22 Jan. 2009, Austin
ed.: 12.
8 Page, Susan. “ ‘Just the Feeling of Being Here.’ ” USAT 19
Jan. 2009: 1A.
9 Kass, John. “Unlike Media, Obama Knows He’s No Wizard.” Chicago
Tribune 20 Jan. 2009 <http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-kass-20-jan20,0,3410243.column>.
10 Freddoso, David. The Case Against Barack Obama: The Unlikely
Rise and Unexamined Agenda of the Media’s Favorite Candidate. Washington,
D.C.: Regnery Publishing, 2008: Ch. 6.
11 Mayerowitz, Scott. “What Recession? The $170 Million Inauguration.”
ABC News 19 Jan. 2009.
12 “ ‘Father of Potty Parity’ Calls 5,000 Johns ‘Inadequate.’
” WTOP-FM 13 Jan. 2009; Sun, Lena H., Nikita Stewart, and Meg Smith. “No.
1 Priority: Porta-Potties on Mall.” WP 19 Jan. 2009, final ed.: B1.
13 “The Whiskey Rebel” [Phil Irwin]. 13 Jan. 2009. Whiskey
Rebel’s Diary <http://home.centurytel.net/whskyreb/diary.html>.
14 Dvorak, op. cit.
15 O’Connor, Len. Clout: Mayor Daley and His City. 1975.
Rpt. Chicago: Contemporary Books, 1984.
16 Constable, Pamela, and Mary Beth Sheridan. “ ‘And Then We
Knew It Was Too Late.’ ” WP 21 Jan. 2009: A18.
17 “Catherine Jones Says...” Liverpool (U.K.) Echo 22
Jan. 2009: 6.
18 AD No. 19n33 (July 2000).
19 AD No. 73n35 (Nov. 8, 2004).
20 Corn, David. The Lies of George W. Bush: Mastering the
Politics of Deception, rev. ed. New York City: Three Rivers Press, 2004;
Kuo, David. Tempting Faith: An Inside Story of Political Seduction.
New York City: Free Press, 2006; Minutaglio, Bill. First Son: George W.
Bush and the Bush Family Dynasty, rev. ed. New York City: Three Rivers
Press, 2001; Perret, Geoffrey. Commander in Chief: How Truman, Johnson,
and Bush Turned a Presidential Power Into a Threat to America's Future.
New York City: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2007: Ch. 24, 26-28.
21 Anderson, Jack, and Daryl Gibson. Peace, War, and Politics:
An Eyewitness Account. New York City: Forge/Tom Doherty Associates, 1999:
Ch. 26; Bryce, Robert. Pipe Dreams: Greed, Ego, and the Death of Enron,
rev. ed. New York City: PublicAffairs, 2003: Ch. 12; Cramer, Richard Ben.
What It Takes: The Way to the White House, rev. ed. New York City:
Vintage Books, 1993: Ch. 1, 9, 50-52, 80, 108, 110, 116, 126-127, 130; Kelley,
Kitty. The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty, rev. ed. New
York City: Anchor Books, 2005; Phillips, Kevin. American Dynasty: Aristocracy,
Fortune and the Politics of Deceit in the House of Bush. New York City:
Viking, 2004; Ruppert, Michael C. Crossing the Rubicon: The Decline of
the American Empire at the End of the Age of Oil. Gabriola Island, B.C.:
New Society Publishers, 2004: Ch. 4; Unger, Craig. House of Bush, House
of Saud: The Secret Relationship Between the World's Two Most Powerful Dynasties,
rev. ed. New York City: Scribner, 2004.
22 Bovard, James. The Bush Betrayal. New York City: Palgrave
Macmillan, 2004; Kucinich, Dennis, David Swanson, and Elizabeth de la Vega.
The 35 Articles of Impeachment and the Case for Prosecuting George W. Bush.
Port Townsend, Wash.: Feral House, 2008.
23 Block, Walter, and Llewellyn H. Rockwell Jr. "Katrina and
the Future of New Orleans." Telos Summer 2007: 170-185; Coll,
Steve. Ghost Wars: The Secret History of the
CIA, Afghanistan, and bin Laden, From the Soviet
Invasion to September 10, 2001, rev. ed. New
York City: Penguin Books, 2005: Ch. 30-32; Draper, Robert.
Dead Certain: The Presidency of George W. Bush. New York City: Free
Press, 2007;
Friedman, George. America’s Secret War: Inside the Hidden Worldwide
Struggle Between American and Its Enemies, rev. ed. New York City: Broadway
Books, 2005; Halper, Stefan, and Jonathan
Clarke. America Alone:
The Neo-Conservatives and the Global
Order. Cambridge, U.K.: Cambridge
UP, 2004: Ch. 4, 9-10;
Hersh, Seymour
M. Chain of Command:
The Road From 9/11 to Abu
Ghraib. New
York City: HarperCollins
Publishers, 2004; Suskind, Ron. The
Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul
O'Neill, rev. ed. New York City: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2004.
24 Denson, John V. A Century of War: Lincoln, Wilson,
and Roosevelt. Auburn, Ala.: Ludwig von Mises Institute, 2006: Ch. 7;
Duncan, Richard. The Dollar Crisis: Causes, Consequences, Cures. Singapore:
John Wiley & Sons (Asia), 2003: Ch. 4; Fleming, Thomas J. The Illusion
of Victory: America in World War I. New York City: Basic Books, 2003;
Gamble, Richard M. The War for Righteousness: Progressive Christianity,
the Great War, and the Rise of the Messianic Nation. Wilmington, Del.:
ISI Books, 2003: Ch. 4-8; Gamble. "Woodrow Wilson's Revolution Within the
Form." Reassessing the Presidency: The Rise of the Executive State and
the Decline of Freedom. Ed. Denson. Auburn, Ala.: Ludwig von Mises Institute,
2001: Ch. 14; Higgs, Robert. Crisis and Leviathan: Critical Episodes in
the Growth of American Government. New York City: Pacific Research Institute
for Public Policy/Oxford UP, 1987: Ch. 7; Karp, Walter. The Politics of
War: The Story of Two Wars Which Altered Forever the Political Life of the
American Republic (1890-1920). 1979. Rpt. New York City: Franklin Square
Press, 2003: Ch. 8-14; McDougall, Walter A. Promised Land, Crusader State:
The American Encounter with the World Since 1776. Boston: Houghton Mifflin,
1997: Ch. 6; Nisbet, Robert A. The Present Age: Progress and Anarchy in
Modern America. 1988. Rpt. Indianapolis: Liberty Fund, 2003: Ch. 1-2;
Raico, Ralph. "World War I: The Turning Point." The Costs of War: America’s
Pyrrhic Victories, rev. ed. Ed. Denson. New Brunswick, N.J.: Transaction
Publishers, 1999: Ch. 9; Rothbard, Murray N. "World War I as Fulfillment:
Power and the Intellectuals." Journal of Libertarian Studies Winter
1989: 81-125. Rpt. Costs of War, Ch. 10; Vidal, Gore [Eugene Luther
Vidal Jr.]. Hollywood: A Novel of America in the 1920s. New York City:
Random House, 1990: Ch. 1-6; Weisman, Steven R. The Great Tax Wars: Lincoln
to Wilson – The Fierce Battles Over Money and Power That Transformed the Nation.
New York City: Simon & Schuster, 2002: Ch. 11-12.
25 Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington vs.
Cheney. 1:08-cv-01548-CKK. U.S. Dist. Ct. D.C. 2008: 24; De Rugy, Veronique.
“Bush’s Midnight Regulations.” Reason Feb. 2009: 18-19; Murphy, Cullen,
and Todd S. Purdom. “Farewell to All That: An Oral History of the Bush White
House.” VF Feb. 2009: 88+; United States. Cong. Senate. Federal Financial
Management, Government Information, Federal Services, and International Security
Subcommittee of the Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs.
Hearings. 110th Cong., 2nd sess. Washington, D.C.: GPO, 2008: 136.
26 Praeger, Dave. Poop Culture. Los Angeles: Feral House,
2007.
27 Valkyrie. United Artists/Achte Babelsberg Film/Bad
Hat Harry Productions, 2008.
28 Risky Business. The Geffen Co., 1983.
29 Reich, Wilhelm. The Mass Psychology of Fascism, rev.
ed. 1946. Trans. Vincent R. Carfagno. 1970. Rpt. Harmondsworth, U.K.: Penguin
Books, 1975.
30 AD No. 100n20 (Sep. 3, 2007).
31 Kakutani, Michiko. “Intuitive and Precise, a Relentless Updike
Mapped America’s Mysteries.” NYT 28 Jan. 2009, late ed.: A1+.
32 Eisler. “Re: Sample of Reflections in Shattered Glass.” E-mail
to KT Hernandez, 21 Oct. 2002.
33 Updike, John. “Requiem.” NYT 29 Jan. 2009, New York ed.:
A27.
34 Fontova, Humberto. Exposing the Real Che Guevara: And
the Useful Idiots Who Idolize Him, rev. ed. New York City: Sentinel,
2008; Novecento. PEA Produzioni Europee Associate-Rome/Les Productions
Artistes Associés/Artemis Film GMBH - Berlin, 1976; Savlov, Marc.
“Becoming Chė.” AC 23 Jan. 2009: 47; Savlov. “Chė: Part One.” Idem., 70.
35 Dabney, Cole. “2008 Austin Film Critics Awards Go Batty for
The Dark Knight.” ISM Jan. 2009: 12.
36 AD No. 98n44 (June 11, 2007).
37O’Rourke, P.J. Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude
People, rev. ed. New York City: Morgan Entrekin/Atlantic Monthly Press,
1989: 268.
38 Shilts, Randy. And the Band Played On: Politics, People,
and the AIDS Epidemic, rev. ed. New York City: Penguin Books, 1988.
39 AD No. 86n56 (Nov. 13, 2005).
40 Hawkins, Lori. “Google Closing Office, Only Months After
Opening.” AAS 15 Jan. 2009: B7.
41 Ladendorff, Kirk. “Freescale Trims Labor Expenses.” AAS 14
Jan. 2009: D1.
42 Toohey, Martin. “Austin Curbs Hiring, Raises.” AAS 17 Jan.
2009: A1.
43 Wear, Ben. “For Rail, Overrun of 17% at Least.” AAS 30 Jan.
2009: A1.
44 Kelso, John. "$27.2 Million to Restore the Governor's Mansion?
Why Not Just Buy a Doublewide." AAS 8 Feb. 2009: B1.
45 Plohetski, Tony. “City Sees Jump in Attacks With Weapons.”
AAS 4 Feb. 2009: A1.
46 Plohetski. “Ex-Police Officer Tied to Bank Robbery.” AAS
16 Jan. 2009: B1+.
47 Whittaker, Richard. “Green Party Leader Holloway Dies.” AC
16 Jan. 2009: 20.
48 AD No. 94n39 (Nov. 25, 2006); Bustillo, Miguel, and
Kris Hudson. “Retailer Circuit City to Liquidate.” WSJ 17 Jan. 2009, Eastern
ed.: B1.
49 Cortez, John-Michael. “Neighborhood Advisory From Capital
Metro: Kramer Lane Traffic Disruption.” E-mail to Dan Eisler et al., 15 Jan.
2009.
50 AD No. 96n5 (Feb. 6, 2007).
51 Smith, Amy. “ ‘The Good Life’ Says Goodbye.” AC 23 Jan. 2009:
19.
52 Gustines, George Gene. “Sad News for Mad Fans.” NYT 24 Jan.
2009, late ed.: C2.