Black Comedy

“Yes We Can!”? The Hell You Will.

Austin Dispatches
No. 119
Dec. 7, 2008

In the waning hours of Nov. 4, in the 219th year of the federal republic, election officials in the mainland states of the Pacific Rim determined that majorities of their respective voters had opted for slates of electors pledged to U.S. Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill. That determination gave Obama more than the 270 electors needed for the Electoral College vote on Dec. 15.  After two years, the 2008 presidential election was effectively over.1

e119fig2 The president-elect, regarded by his supporters as some sort of black messiah, used his superior campaign organization,2 informed by his study of Saul Alinsky’s political organizing theory;3  $750 million in campaign funds from corporate and financial donors,4  including the nuclear power industry5 and Goldman Sachs, whom he voted to bail out;6  and favorable media coverage,7  to successfully exploit Republican missteps and public discontent with current circumstances to beat upper-chamber colleague John McCain like one of his North Vietnamese captors.8

For his trouble, he was insulted by the No.2 figure in Al-Qaeda, and Ralph Nader, a couple of ragheads.9  Don’t they know his middle name is Hussein?

Among other things, at 47, Obama’s a member of the 13er generation.10  Rather than harkening to small-town America,11 his persona is one that’s urban and looks comfortable in $1,500 suits.12  So much for the good points.

The spawn of a kleptocratic Kenyan13 and a flaky white Marxoid,14 and the first, among several presidents, to actually have admitted to cocaine use,15  Obama is also a Chicago politician, and a member in good standing of what Chicago Tribune columnist John Kass terms “ ‘The Combine,’ the back-scratching bipartisan ruling class of the state,” dedicated to ripping off the Illinois public at large, and “always looking for people to be the public face of the system.”16

He’s young enough to know better. Instead, his likely policies that we can tease out from his scarce writings and earlier utterances when he was slightly less guarded are continuations of the stale, failed plans from earlier generations.17 Whether he truly believes in this worldview, whether he’s been so immersed in it in his formative years that he can’t conceive alternatives, or whether his past drug use has crippled his mind to the point he can’t conceive alternatives, impending disaster is the commonality. Already the racial blocs that supported him are squabbling over spoils.18

e119fig3 His executive branch picks? A bunch of Clinton and even Bush administration retreads, including Hilary Clinton.19  Hectoring, hysterical, self-righteous, prone to violent solutions, and possessing the reverse Midas touch: She’s perfect for the State Department.20 Like a couple of her predecessors, she’ll run at the mouth like a broad when she’s abroad, confirming to foreigners that American women are just dumb clucks and American men even dumber for letting them act that way.21  I’d like to apologize in advance to you foreigners. At least your taxes don’t pay her salary.

Obama’s making a big mistake letting the Clintons back into the executive branch. Those grifters are nothing but trouble and he’ll catch flack even he won’t deserve.

Overall, the modern presidency, deemed by scholars to have begun with FDR, has a record of chewing up its occupants.22  Soon, Obama’ll wonder why he sought the job. Many of his predecessors deserved it, but he may be the first one to end his term dangling from a lamppost. From which he won’t come back to life after three days.23 Alternately, he could end up like his counterparts from Haiti24 or Liberia.25

Given the propensity for federal politicians to screw over their grassroots supporters by implementing the policies of their opponents, America might possibly be better off with Obama as president than McCain. We can only hope. It’s better than four years of preening from Obama’s smug asshole supporters (e.g., the commentary in the Nov. 28 Austin Chronicle). In response, the rest of the American public began stockpiling guns and ammunition.26 

However, if you, dear reader, can resist the pseudo-mores that result in you being smeared a “racist,” we may be able to block or thwart Obama’s agenda until he is voted out, impeached, or otherwise removed from office.27 

Election Roundup

As the second28 (or perhaps third)29 black president-elect prepares to take the reins of the corporatist, warfare-welfare – come on, you know the words – managerial-therapeutic state, Al Franken appears, as of this issue, to have narrowly lost his bid for U.S. senator from Minnesota.30 The man who wrote the censored commercial parody “Placenta Helper” for “Saturday Night Live” in its glory days has better things to do than help ruin the country with his ill-conceived social democratic policies that were invented by killjoys.31

Surprisingly, enough voters remain in California to have passed a constitutional amendment outlawing homo “marriages” in the face of the homosexual cabal’s political clout. Many of these voters are black or Mexican.32 Perhaps the cabal minced words too often. Of course, the courts will do everything they can to quash this amendment.

e119fig4 Bobbing for Fries

At the level of pretend politics, Bob Barr, presidential nominee of the post-libertarian Libertarian Party, shrugged off his underwhelming performance in an interview with Reason magazine.33 Maybe he figured he didn’t actually have to try, since he was front man for a party that doesn’t clearly stand for anything and whose fake and flake factions,  from the national committee down to the dopiest county chairman, can’t provide a valid rationale for the party’s continued existence, or even understand what a political party is for (hint: not “education”). None of them has confronted the issue of power,34 or the issue of the LP’s true constituency, and by extension, the National Question,35 and the worst of them advocate accelerating the LP’s drift into becoming the party of acid, alien amnesty, and abortion.36 

Meanwhile, in the real world, the Constitution Party elbowed the LP off the ballot in Missouri.37 There, the latter organization is intellectually dominated, if that’s the term, by Thomas Knapp, who moonlighted as vice presidential nominee for the Boston Tea Party, a live-action role-playing game with a moniker more befitting a New England-based chain of eateries.38 

All else is repetitive detail.

On the Town

Nov. 7: Fortunately, Pat Dixon did not attend The Continental Club and engage me in a political conversation. Otherwise, my critical diatribe in reply might’ve drowned out Allan Holdsworth and his rhythm section.39

Nov. 15: The dumbass hippie running the sound system marred the underpromoted Jazz at St. James’ concert with the glitches from the equipment that should’ve been checked before show time. So much so that the front line of horn men David “Fathead” Newman and Curtis Fuller never gelled.40  Though the rhythm section was inspired. I left before the encore. I’ve encountered this problem before at Austin jazz shows, and it makes me wonder whether I should bother to attend the few we get in this self-proclaimed “Live Music Capital of the World.” 

e119fig5 Nov. 28: I wanted to do something different for my birthday. So I reserved a table for two at Jeffrey’s of Austin, a bistro of renown.41 Then I advertised for a date on craigslist. I received numerous replies, one of them from a real woman, a first-wave Millennial and graduate student, whose photo looked attractive.42 The rest were spambots43 soliciting for online dating sites, but they did send some nice pictures.

The date dispelled my creeping melancholy about my age, accomplishments, and prospects. However, she was one of those women who look worse in person than in pictures. Nothing against her. It's just that all my past girlfriends have been gorgeous, and I'm loath to break that pattern. I had to subtly nix any notion of us dating further without hurting her feelings – while I was battling a rain-generated allergy – and food poisoning from the appetizer.44 Total cost for the anecdotable evening: $148. It would’ve been cheaper to wallow in melancholy.

During the rest of the Thanksgiving holiday, I caught up on the fall cinematic releases: “Synecdoche, New York” is a long, ambitious art film and the most entertainingly depressing of its kind since “Zardoz”;45 Anne Hathaway does a credible Angela Keaton impersonation in “Rachel Getting Married.”46 I also bought some $80 worth of clothes at thrift stores that are better than anything I found in the outlet malls in the early morning hours, while most people were still comatose from the holiday meals.47

Austin Death Watch

Travis County’s power elite succeeded in defeating Proposition 2, which would’ve abolished Austin’s subsidies to The Domain. The Stateman attributes the anti-Proposition 2 success to a lot of cash.48 But what really undercut the proposition was the involvement of Linda Curtis, local LaRouchie good-government whackjob. Avoiding any dealings with her was the one thing all Libertarians agreed on when I moved here.49 The other participants should’ve bound, gagged, and tossed her in a trunk for the duration of the campaign – and beyond.

The local bus driver’s union agreed to a new contract on Nov. 12, after 18 months of wrangling, but not before it struck the weekend prior.50 Bus service was curtailed the same weekend as a UT football game and a punk music festival at Waterloo Park.51 Both events were next to each other. Somebody in scheduling or permits at City Hall must have a wicked sense of humor. Now Austin firefighters have rejected their contract with the City.52

Meanwhile, a ticketed Dallas lawyer is suing the companies that operate the red-light cameras at intersections in Austin for violating state law. Go get ‘em, shyster.53 Bankruptcy threatens the mixed-use Lakeline Station project at the north end of the local power elite’s light-rail scheme.54 However, the City did hold a Nov. 25 grand opening of the $9.5 million Cesar Chavez Street construction project, a year behind schedule and triple the original estimated cost.55 

The proposed Marriott hotel project downtown that turned into a morass of failed high-priced payoffs and threatened one of my favorite salsa spots, has been put on hold because of the recession.56 The owner of Highland Mall faces bankruptcy.57 Biotech firm Introgen has filed for bankruptcy.58

An ex-girlfriend of a local bigwig environmentalist is suing him for battery, negligence, and false imprisonment. Imagine what he’s done to your property rights.59

Among Austin’s many failures, the Daily Texan has concluded you can’t get a decent bagel. The local eateries use the same supplier.60 Also, the Austin Business Journal reports this town is among the least prepared for the end of over-the-air broadcast signals next year. What will people do with themselves if they can’t watch television?61

Neighborhood News

An early holiday vendor show in the landlord’s office on Nov. 16 also shut down that office’s regular hours without advance notice, which meant I couldn’t pick up some packages on a timetable conducive to my life.62 I indicated my displeasure to the increasingly subpar office staff, whose wages I support to the tune of $800 a month. All I got for my trouble was static. Fat, ugly and stupid is no way to go through life,  except for those working at AMLI Residential.63

On Nov. 7, KGSR-FM reported two rush-hour collisions at separate intersections with MoPac Expressway – no doubt caused by the ongoing roadway projects.64 If the projects used illegal Mexicans instead of union deadweight, the results would be just as slapdash, but they’d’ve been done a lot quicker. On Nov. 16, I witnessed a near collision and near altercation between the driver of a pickup and the driver of a BMW at the southbound frontage road of MoPac and Duval Road. Unfortunately, nothing actually happened. Two more idiots would be off the streets.

Traffic lights have been installed at the intersection of Metric Boulevard and Bittern Hollow, which also has the egress for the Chez Moi apartment complex.  The smart solution would’ve been to avoid building the intersection and egress at the top of the bluff, but somehow that escaped the city’s planning department at the time. So you can understand my skepticism about the department’s new zoning scheme.

The mediocre Rockin’ Tomato Pizza Co. has replaced La Mamma Pizza in the Metric Plaza strip mall.65 A beauty school has opened in the same mall. Its prices are higher than the schools I usually patronize.

Cultural Canapés

Guns n’ Roses has finally released the long-awaited, much-publicized “Chinese Democracy,” but I’ve yet to encounter it on the radio, instead of people talking and writing about it.66  Burt Bacharach also has a new album. It’s not one of 2008’s better releases. The singers sound generic and cheesy.67

Recently, I’ve noticed young women wearing more fashions I remember from the ‘80s, as opposed to just seeing the fashion industry try to revive the styles


Leip, David. “2008 Election Night Events Timeline.” <http://uselectionatlas.org/INFORMATION/ARTICLES/ElectionNight2008/pe2008elecnighttime.php>. USA Election Atlas.com.
2 Dionne, E.J. Jr. “What Next for Obama’s Network?” WP 21 Nov. 2008, final ed.: A23.
3 Alinsky, Saul D. Rules for Radicals: A Practical Primer for Realistic Radicals. New York City: Random House, 1971; Sailer, Steve. America's Half-Blood Prince: Barack Obama's Story of Race and Inheritance. Washington, Conn.: VDARE Foundation, 2008: Ch. 7.
4 Cummings, Jeanne. “Obama, the Billion-Dollar Man.” 2 Dec. 2008 Politico.com  <http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1208/16115.html>; Luo, Michael. “The Myth of the Small Donor.” NYT 25 Nov. 2008: 20.
5 Singleton, Robert. “Some Unsolicited Advice on Energy for the New President.” TGL Nov. 2008: 37.
6 AD No. 118n18 (Oct. 27, 2008); Clark, Andrew. “Obama Triumph.” The Guardian 8 Nov. 2008: 25.
7 Howell, Deborah. “An Obama Tilt in Campaign Coverage.” WP 9 Nov. 2008: B6.
8 Welch, Matt. McCain: The Myth of a Maverick, rev. ed. New York City: Palgrave Macmillan, 2008: 32-37.
9  “Alexander Cockburn’s Post-Election Interview With Ralph Nader.” 8 Nov. 2008 Austin Cassidy’s Independent Political Watch < http://www.independentpoliticalreport.com/2008/11/alexander-cockburns-post-election-interview-with-ralph-nader/>; Mazzetti, Mark, and Scott Shane. “Al Qaeda Offers Obama Insults and a Warning.” NYT 20 Nov. 2008, late ed.: A1.
10 Howe, Neil, Bill Strauss, and Ian Williams. 13th Fen: Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail? New York City: Vintage Books, 1993.
11 Conn, Steve. “Small Town Blues.” 24 Sep. 2008 Rustbelt Intellectual <http://rustbeltintellectual.blogspot.com/2008/09/small-town-blues.html>.
12 Guy, Sandra. “Hartmarx Suits Obama.” 28 Aug. 2008 Chicago Sun-Times < http://www.suntimes.com/news/politics/obama/1131869,CST-NWS-fashion28WEB.article>; Sailer, op. cit., 131.
13 Sailer, op. cit., Ch. 3.
14 Ibid., Ch. 2.
15 AD No. 51n29 (June 24, 2003); AD No. 96n36 (Feb. 6, 2007); Maraniss, David. First in His Class: A Biography of Bill Clinton. New York City: Simon & Schuster, 1995: 95; McClellan, Scott. What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception. New York City: PublicAffairs, 2008: 47-49; Morris, Roger. Partners in Power: The Clintons and Their America. New York City: John Macrae/Henry Holt and Co., 1996: 325; Obama, Barack. Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance, rev. ed. New York City: Three Rivers Press, 2004: 93-94.
16 Corsi, Jerome R. The Obama Nation: Leftist Politics and the Cult of Personality. New York City: Threshold Editions, 2008: Ch. 6; Sailer, op. cit., 145-146.
17 AD No. 116 (Sep. 7, 2008); Corsi, op. cit., Ch. 9; Sailer, op. cit., Ch. 12.
18 Pickler, Nedra. “Obama Delivers Diversity; Some Groups Want More.” AAS 4 Dec. 2008: A6.
19 Leonhardt, David. “The Return of Larry Summers.” NYT 26 Nov. 2008: B1; Pickler. AP. “Obama Acts Fast to Fill Top Positions.” AAS 1 Dec. 2008: A1+; Sanger, David E. “Obama Tilts to Center, Inviting a Clash of Ideas.” NYT 22 Nov. 2008: A1.
20 Baritz, Loren. Backfire: A History of How American Culture Led Us Into Vietnam and Made Us Fight the Way We Did. New York City: William Morrow & Co., 1985: 27-38, 41; Mitchell, Brian Patrick. Eight Ways to Run the Country: A New and Revealing Look at Left and Right. Wesport, Conn.: Praeger, 2007: Ch. 4; North, Gary. Healer of the Nations: Biblical Blueprints for International Relations. Fort Worth, Texas: Dominion Press, 1987: 16-17; Paul, Ron [Llewellyn H. Rockwell Jr.]. Freedom Under Siege: The U.S. Constitution After 200 Years. 1987. Rpt. Auburn, Ala.: Ludwig von Mises Institute, 2007; Ch. 2.
21 "Roissy." “How American Women Are Seen by Kazakhs.” 13 Nov. 2008 Roissy in DC <http://roissy.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/how-american-women-are-seen-by-kazakhs/>.
22 Donovan, Hedley. “Job Specs for the Oval Office.” Time 13 Dec. 1982: 20-22+; Flynn, John T. The Roosevelt Myth, rev. ed. New York City: Devin-Adair Co., 1956.
23 Matt. 27-28; Mark 15-16; Luke 23-24; John 19-21 NSRV.
24 O’Rourke, P.J. All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty. New York City: The Atlantic Monthly Press, 1994: 291-294.
25 Johnson, Denis. “The Civil War in Hell.” Esquire Dec. 1990: 43.
    Of course, these possibilities are mere speculation as to what might happen to a figure whom this author has some sympathy. Moreover, such speculation is actually less intense than curious fantasies indulged in by Obama's supporters, including his wife (Sailer, op. cit., 142).
26 Patton, Charlie. “Election Triggers Gun Buys.” Florida Times Union 23 Nov. 2008: A-1.
27 Sailer, op. cit., 224.
28 Olson, Barbara. The Final Days: The Last, Desperate Abuses of Power by the Clinton White House. Washington, D.C.: Regnery Publishing, 2001: 56.
29 Gage, Beverly. “Our First Black President?” New York Times Magazine 6 Apr. 2008, late ed.: 20.
30 Hoppin, Jason. “And the Winner Is … Far From Decided.” St. Paul Pioneer Press 7 Dec. 2008: 1A+.
31 AD No. 102n26 (Nov. 12, 2007); Saturday Night Live. Ed. Anne Beatts and John Head. New York City: Avon Books, 1977: 60-61.
32 Wetzstein, Cheryl. “Blacks, Hispanics Nixed Gay Marriage.” Washington Times 8 Nov. 2008: A1.
33 Weigel, David. “Bob Barr Looks Back.” 24 Nov. 2008 Reasononline <http://www.reason.com/news/show/130244.html>.
34 AD No. 99n83 (Aug. 10, 2007); Rothbard, Murray N. “Concepts of the Role of Intellectuals in Social Change Toward Laissez Faire.” JLS Fall 1990: 44.
35 AD No. 111n17 (June 12, 2008).
36 Novak, Robert D. The Prince of Darkness: 50 Years Reporting in Washington. New York City: Crown Forum, 2007: 226.
37 AD No. 111n7; Lieb, David A. AP. “Constitution Party Books Spot on Missouri Ballot.” Columbia Missourian 10 Nov. 2008: 4A.
38 “Boston Tea Party Nominations Contested.” Liberty for America June 2008: 3.
39 AD 109n4 (May 11, 2008); Schroeder, Audra. “Soundcheck.” AC 7 Nov. 2008: 90.
40 Newman, David “Fathead.” Diamondhead. Highnote, 2008.
41 Pack, M.M. “Dining Up and Down West Lynn.” AC 16 Feb. 2007: 53.
42 Strauss and Howe. Generations: The History of America's Future, 1584-2069. New York City: William Morrow, 1991: 341.
43 Teten, David, and Scott Allen. The Virtual Handshake: Opening Doors and Closing Deals Online. New York City: AMACOM, 2005: 142.
44 AD No. 100n5 (Sep. 3, 2007).
45 Synecdoche, New York. Likely Story/Projective Testing Service/Russia/Sidney Kimmel Entertainment, 2008; Zardoz. John Boorman Productions, 1974.
46 AD No. 34 (Jan. 14, 2002); Rachel Getting Married. Clinica Estetico/Marc Platt Productions, 2008.
47 Kahn, Gwynne, and Lorraine Mahru. “Thrift Shops.” Retro Hell, 224; Treadway, Dan. “Black Friday: A Gray Day.” DT 2 Dec. 2008: 4A.
48 Coppola, Sarah. “Infusion of Cash Killed Anti-Domain Proposition.” AAS 6 Nov. 2008: B1-2.
49 Eisler, Dan. “Linda Curtis.” E-mail to TCLPActive, 11 Oct. 2003.
50 Gasmen, Melanie. “Labor Agreement Ends Cap Metro Strike.” DT 10 Nov. 2008: 1A.
51 Bertrand, Pierre. “Cap Metro Strike Leads to Weekend E-Bus Cancellation.” DT 7 Nov. 2008: 1-2A; Gross, Joe. “Punk Rock Pearls.” XL 6 Nov. 2008: 10.
52 Smith, Jordan. “Firefighters Give Contract the Axe.” AC 5 Dec. 2008: 26.
53 Beherec, Sean. “Dallas Lawyer Sues Red-Light Camera Firms.” DT 5 Dec. 2008: 1-2A.
54 Kwon, Jean. “Lakeline Station Mixed-Use Project’s Future Unclear Again.” ABJ 21 Nov. 2008: 5.
55 Ngugi, Evelyn. “Local Projects Come to Fruition.” DT 26 Nov. 2008: 1A; Wear, Ben. “Cesar Chavez Project Finally Done, But Wait….” AAS 24 Nov. 2008: B1+.
56 AD No. 100n11 (Sep. 3, 2007); Novak, Shonda. “Marriott Hotel on Hold.” AAS 6 Dec. 2008: A1+.
57 Harrington, Kate. “Sale Speculation Follows Mall.” ABJ 31 Oct. 2008: 1+.
58 Rockwell, Lilly. “Introgen Files for Bankruptcy.” AAS 4 Dec. 2008: B1+.
59 King, Michael. “Busted in Aspen, Sued in Denver.” AC 5 Dec. 2008: 24.
60 Patterson, Leigh. “Looking Out for Local Bagels.” DT 2 Dec. 2008: 6B.
61 Mistretta, A.J. “Austin Ransk on List of Least Prepared Cities for Digital Switch.” ABJ 31 Oct. 2008: 8.
62 Resident Life Nov. 2008: 1.
63 National Lampoon’s Animal House. Universal Pictures/Oregon Film Factory/Stage III Productions, 1978.
64 AD No. 98n33 (June 11, 2007).
65 “Pizza Delivery.” CIT Nov. 2008: 4.
66 Guns n’ Roses. Chinese Democracy. Geffen 1790607, 2008.
67 Bacharach, Burt, and the Sydney Symphony Orchestra. Live at the Sydney Opera House. Verve 001219302, 2008.