Austin Dispatches No. 193 Nov. 24, 2016

e193fig1The Coming of the Orange Better One

Christmas arrived early, with the Nov. 8 climax to the Best. Election. Ever.[1] And I remember 1980.[2]

Putative presidential frontrunner Hillary Rodham Clinton spent the current year leaking … embarrassing if not scandalous if not criminal details about every aspect of her existence, and bleeding … support, before getting schlonged on Election Night.[3] Whereupon she burst into tears, then blamed her husband, FBI Director James Comey, and Barack Hussein Obama for her yuge defeat.[4] For once, she might be right, and for once, a man might actually be at fault for a woman’s failure.[5] Although Obama and Bill Clinton both said in the post-mortems that Hillary didn’t listen to their advice.[6] Nevertheless, she’ll have to pay for all the crockery and table lamps she smashed.[7]

Because beyond her views, beyond her agenda, beyond her public record, beyond her personal history, beyond her health, was Clinton’s personality.[8] Everyone old enough to vote has endured at least one schoolteacher like her. Just for that, her occultist campaign staff could’ve summoned Satan and it wouldn’t be enough to overcome the irresistible opportunity to retaliate at the voting booth.[9] Allegedly, at a private meeting with reporters, Huma Abedin, Muzzie factotum and gal pal, tried to prove Clinton wasn’t cold, but when she shoved a rectal thermometer up her butt the mercury froze.[10]

The Election Night upset that was the culmination of her political career has to sting. She might want to put some ice on that.[11]

But don’t get the misimpression that she got what she deserved. No, what she really deserved years ago was to be publically burned at the stake, with the entrails of the last eco-terrorist for kindling.

e193fig2Worse for her, she ran against Donald J. Trump, the greatest wiseass ever to enter politics. The general election was tantamount to Trump impudently saying not only does the would-be empress have no clothes, her bogus tailors even managed to add another 40 lbs. to her frame.[12] Trump, foremost, made the election so entertaining that professional comedians couldn’t top the real antics. Yet in spring 2015, before he announced, if you’d submitted anything that’s actually happened as, say, a sketch comedy premise, it probably would’ve been rejected as too implausible. I wish the election had continued for another six months. Regardless, I’m eagerly anticipating the 2016 race’s book-length exposés.

Trump defied the odds given by experienced political observers, defied major components of the corporatist, managerial-therapeutic warfare-welfare state – the establishments of both major parties in collusion with academia, the media, the bureaucracy, and big business – and defied more political customs and politesse than I can recount.[13] Consequently, we may be living through the end of what political scientists term the Sixth Party System.[14] In turn, the power elite and its myrmidons beat on Trump for every conceivable thing, except possibly jaywalking or cannibalism. If I researched enough, I’d probably find those two accusations as well.

Bad enough Trump, a disaffected outer member of the power elite, beat its best efforts to stop him.[15] On the hustings, he inflicted serious damage by subjecting its members to power elite analysis that appealed to “Middle American radicals.”[16] Most unforgivably, Trump also made them laughingstocks. Ironically, all that makes him, not Obama or Hillary, the best current practitioner of Alinskyite political tactics.[17]

Despite basking in victory, Trump seems to know they won’t forget his campaign rhetoric and there's no going back to palling around with these people at Trump National in Westchester County, N.Y.[18]

As a bonus, the election results aggravated the right people, pinkos and enragés who erupted like a Muslim anchor baby at a fag nightclub.[19] In his Oct. 21 exhortation to vote, Chronicalista Michael King fretted undesirable election results would deprive people like him of “access to national levers of power.”[20] Exactly. They’ve been protesting ever since.[21] For example, college students staged a protest in Central Austin on Nov. 10, when they should’ve been showing up early at day labor sites to do the odd jobs they’re better suited for in life.[22] Somebody has to replace the Mexicans when they leave, and we don’t need more degree holders in critical transgender studies. It’s a future of cleaning septic tanks for you, Tiffany and Brandon.

America’s future may be tragic, but it won’t be dull. Remove kebab!

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[1] Von Drehle, David et al. “Message Delivered.” Time 21 Nov. 2016: 28-41.

[2] AD No. 136 (Aug. 10, 2010); AD No. 143 (June 28, 2011).

[3] Chozick, Amy, and Patrick Healy. “With 11 Days to Go, Trump Says Revelation ‘Changes Everything.’ ” NYT 29 Oct. 2016: A1+; Eder, Steve, and Chozick. “Donations to Foundation Vexed Clinton’s Top Aides.” NYT 27 Oct. 2016: A1+; Eder, and Nicholas Confessore. “Leaks Lay Bare a Longtime Clinton Adviser’s Unflinching Straight Talk.” NYT 30 Oct. 2016: 20; Morris, Dick. “Women Are Leaving Hilary.” The Hill 13 Jan. 2016: 21; Singer, Paul. “ ‘Teflon’ Trump and Cruz Lead.” USAT 23 Dec. 2015: 1A.

[4] Abrams, Mike. “Hillary and Co. Are the Only Ones to Blame for Her Loss.” Miami Herald 15 Nov. 2016: 19A; Chozick. “Clinton Blames F.B.I. Director for Her Defeat.” NYT 13 Nov. 2016: 1+.

[5] Cillizza, Chris. “President Obama Never Cared All That Much About Downballot Democrats. Until Now.” 15 Nov. 2016 The Washington <>; Klein, Edward. The Amateur: Barack Obama in the White House, rev. ed. Washington, D.C.: Regnery Publishing, 2013: 72; Mercer, Marsha. “Hillary’s Quest Ends As It Began – With Bill.” Richmond (Va.) Times-Dispatch 12 Nov. 2016, 2nd ed.: 11A.

[6] Beamon, Todd. “Ed Klein: Hillary Clinton Couldn’t Stop Crying, Told Friends She Blames Comey and Obama for Loss.” Newsmax TV 9 Nov. 2016 <>; Navarette, Ruben. “If You Can’t Own Defeat, You Don’t Deserve Success.” Hot Springs (Ark.) Sentinel-Record 20 Nov. 2016: 7B.

[7] “Clinton Flew Into ‘Rage.’ ” Ottawa Sun 17 Nov. 2016: A3; Kessler, Ronald. Inside the White House, rev. ed. New York City: Pocket Books, 1996: 234.

[8] Allen, Jonathan, and Amie Parnes. HRC: State Secrets and the Rebirth of Hillary Clinton. New York City: Crown Publishers, 2014; Heilemann, John, and Mark Halperin. Game Change: Obama and the Clintons, McCain and Palin, and the Race of a Lifetime, rev. ed. New York City: Harper Perennial, 2010; “Is Hillary Medically Unfit to Serve?” USA Today Magazine Oct. 2016: 8-9; Klein. Blood Feud: The Clintons vs. the Obamas. Washington, D.C.: Regnery Publishing, 2014; Klein. The Truth About Hillary: What She Knew, When She Knew It, and How Far She’ll Go to Become President. New York City: Sentinel, 2005; Klein, Edward. Unlikeable: The Problem With Hillary. Washington, D.C.: Regnery Publishing, 2015; Moldea, Dan E. A Washington Tragedy: Bill & Hillary Clinton and the Suicide of Vincent Foster, rev. ed. Washington, D.C.:, 2015; Olson, Barbara. The Final Days: The Last, Desperate Abuses of Power by the Clinton White House. Washington, D.C.: Regnery Publishing, 2001; Schweizer, Peter. Clinton Cash: The Untold Story of How and Why Foreign Governments and Businesses Helped Make Bill and Hillary Rich. New York City: Harper, 2015; Smith, Sally Bedell. For Love of Politics – Bill and Hillary Clinton: The White House Years. New York City: Random House, 2007.

[9] Kang, Cecilia, and Doris Burke. “Fact Check: This Pizzeria Is Not a Child-Trafficking Site.” NYT 22 Nov. 2016, New York ed: B1.

[10] Cavett, Dick, and Christopher Porterfield. Cavett. New York City: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1974: 175; Heller, Nathan. “I’m With Her.” Vogue Sep. 2016: 724+.

[11] Eszterhas, Joe. American Rhapsody. New York City: Alfred A. Knopf, 2000: 356.

[12] AD No. 181n4 (May 22, 2015); Andersen, Hans Christian. “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” Trans. Erik Christian Haugaard. The Complete Fairy Tales and Stories. Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1974: 77-81.

[13] Fisher, Marc. “How Trump Broke the Old Rules of Politics – and Shook Up the World.” WP 9 Nov. 2016: A1+; Karp, Walter. Indispensable Enemies: The Poltics of Misrule in America, rev. ed. Baltimore: Penguin Books, 1974; Von Drehle, op. cit.

[14] Maisel, L. Sandy, and Mark D. Brewer. Parties and Elections in America: The Electoral Process, 5th rev. ed. Lanham, Md.: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, 2012: 42-48.

[15] Fisher, op. cit.

[16] Rothbard, Murray N. Wall Street, Banks, and American Foreign Policy. Burlingame, Calif.: Center for Libertarian Studies, 1995: xxi-xxiii; Warren, Donald I. The Radical Center: Middle Americans and the Politics of Alienation. Notre Dame, Ind.: U of Notre Dame P, 1976.

[17] Alinsky, Saul D. Rules for Radicals: A Practical Primer for Realistic Radicals. New York City: Random House, 1971; Sailer, Steve. America's Half-Blood Prince: Barack Obama's Story of Race and Inheritance. Washington, Conn.: VDARE Foundation, 2008: 139-141.

[18] Kaplan, Don, Ginger Adams Otis, and Adam Edelman. “Donald Goes Nuts vs. Nets in TV Summit.” NYDN 22 Nov. 2016, Sports Final ed.: 7; Kranish, Michael, and Marc Fisher. Trump Revealed: An American Journey of Ambition, Ego, Money, and Power. New York City: Scribner, 2016: 306; Smith, Emily, and Daniel Halper. “President-Elect Trump Reads Media Riot Act.” NYPO 22 Nov. 2016, Sports+Late City Final ed.: 7.

[19] Pérez-Peña, Richard et al. “Gunfire and Panicked Calls on the Police Log in Orlando.” NYT 29 Jun. 2016: A12+.

[20] King, Michael. “Your Vote Is Your Voice.” AC 21 Oct. 2016: 14.

[21] Gold, Matea et al. “Protests Roll Across the Country ‘at a Moment That Can Feel Very Scary.’ ” WP 11 Nov. 2016: A7.

[22] Shokar, Jasleen. “Visceral Protests Flood Streets of Austin.” DT 10 Nov. 2016: 1-2.