From the
producers of “Credit Rating of the Dragon” and “Shaolin Resort and Golf
Course” … |
Funk in Deep Freeze
Austin Dispatches | No. 173 | March 18, 2014 |
Even down here in the Sun Belt, the repeated cold spells
quashed the remaining holiday spirit the corporatist state didn’t, and kept on
long into the new year to give it a bleaker wintertime feel than usual.[1]
For example, the Feb. 13 Daily Texan reported the recent
icy weather depleted the city’s supply of dolomite for use against the ice on
the roads. The city prefers dolomite to salt out of concerns for the vegetation,
when the better reason is the corrosion salt causes to car undercarriages.[2]
Though signs of Christmas were appearing a week before
Thanksgiving, the holiday season was so stretched out I think the actual
presence was thinner day to day than ever, away from the stores.
Even the radio stations held off the blitz of Christmas music until Dec. 23.
Again, the fun excursions happened on regular days, rather than the holidays
themselves, but I suspect the holidays happening mid-week created a scheduling
damper for many. Then on
Dec. 26, I tried to do some post-Christmas shopping to replace a few worn-out
basic clothes, for about $100 total, but the selections in the big-box retailers
had been picked so clean, like a roasted goose at the family table, I was unable
to spend money.
Neighborhood News
Not even the new feature of a self-serve barbecue island at
The Domain's long-delayed Whole Foods compensated for the store’s flaws apparent
on its Jan. 15 grand opening. Millions Whole Foods spent on the place and the
parking, outside traffic flow, and design flow at the store’s front are worse
than the Gateway location.[3]
Not to mention you’re still paying the highest prices in
town for produce, compared to other supermarkets, where I ventured through the
cold in a fedora and camel-hair overcoat to buy groceries.[4]
The bagger asked if I played “L.A. Noire.” Of course, I dressed like this years
before the video game.[5]
“Can the gab and bag the grub, toots,” I said in a hard-boiled growl.
Meanwhile, Nordstrom announced it will open a new store at
The Domain in 2016.[6] A fitness
equipment company moved from Round Rock to Boyer Boulevard. A discount store in
the 9500 block of Burnet Road closed.[7]
Levy Architects is renovating Kramer Center off Burnet.[8]
On Mar. 13, KLBJ-FM reported an auto collision at Parmer
Lane and Lamplighter Village Avenue.
On the Town
Feb. 19: After
years of half-assed promotions, promoters included the time, date, place
and price in their advance notices for
an East Austin concert, by several third-generation free form jazz musicians
associated with Chicago. Not only did I finally get to hear them live, they even
played music in a way I’d never heard before.[9]
As a bonus, my suit and tie ensemble disconcerted the would-be hipsters, dressed
like their Greenwich Village grandparents circa 1960 and looking grim and
poverty stricken instead of beatific, which I don’t think was their intent.
Several hipsters obviously worried my slickly prosperous look would lure away
their women, even though their shabby attire and bitchy expressions made them
unappealing.[10]
Austin Death Watch
On March 13, a Killeen rapper in town for
South by Southwest fled a traffic stop, smashed through a police barrier and
drunkenly plowed into a festival crowd along Red River Street, killing three
attendees and injuring another 22.[10]
When I heard the updates on the radio that day, I thought the police were
withholding the driver’s name because it was another government official behind
the wheel, doing what they do best: destroying other people’s lives.[11]
Still, Police Chief Art Acevedo and Mayor Lee Leffingwell uttered some variation
on “the system works,” even though if this happened during another such event –
now grown so large that the local power elite, notably Chronicle Editor Louis
Black – have an interest in perpetuating it despite broad conflicts of interest
– we’d hear their screams of outrage to ban said event.[12]
As is, SXSW, showcasing such unknown acts as Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber, has
become just “another bloated American institution,” as described by a letter
writer to the Chronicle in its issue dated the day of the carnage.[13]
The March 6 Daily Texan advised readers to flee the gridlock for North Austin.[14]
Regardless, the driver will be tried for murder by the Travis County District
Attorney’s Office, run of course by belligerent convicted drunk driver Rosemary
Lehmberg (“Hey, at least I didn’t kill anybody”).[15]
Speaking of broad conflicts of interest, the March 14
Chronicle cover proclaimed “Austin Music Awards Director Margaret Moser Goes Out
With a Bang.” Given Moser’s confessional accounts as a Chronicle contributor
these many years of her sordid, pathetic, attention-seeking Boomeroid life of
sex, drugs and rock ‘n’roll, I half expected to read about Austin’s musicians
running a train on her as her last request before dying of terminal cancer.[16]
The City Council will impose a minimum $500 fine for
parking or stopping in the new downtown lanes reserved for Capital Metro buses,
which presumes you can find street parking downtown.[17]
Incidentally, Vince May called out this new transit scheme as a blunder leading
to downtown gridlock and a contributor to the “exploding cost of living in
Austin.”[18]
The chink who stabbed his girlfriend at UT in September
fled back to where he came from after getting bailed out.[19]
Public opinion appears to be against the police after arresting a headphone
wearing jogger near UT on Feb. 20 for “failure to identify” and “failure to obey
a pedestrian control device.”[20]
Austin has an unexpected $14.2 million surplus, so
councilors are already scheming to spend (i.e., squander) the money. Among all
the ideas, nobody mentioned paying down the city’s debt.[21]
Austinites have been so good about conserving water that the Austin Water
Utility has lost millions in revenue and is looking to raise its “drought rates”
to recoup its losses.[22]
The owner of Dan’s Hamburgers vows to never build another
store within city limits after the bureaucratic hassles of remodeling an
existing location.[23]
As punishment, city bureaucrats should have to eat there.
Business Roundup
Meanwhile, locals are flocking to the newly opened In-N-Out
burger joints. I drove past one on Airport Boulevard past 9 p.m. one December
night and the parking lot was full.[24]
Cultural Canapés
Recent developments in Eastern Europe reminded me to
recommend once again Vassily Aksyonov’s “Island of Crimea,” first published in
English in 1983. The novel’s premise is that the White Russians fled to the
peninsula, fictionalized as an island, and turned it into a Slavic Taiwan or
South Korea. Think “Atlas Shrugged” as intentionally comic and you’ll have an
idea of the content.[25]
Political Follies
Post-Portland, the Libertarian Party remains bereft of its
ideology, and thus more flaccid than a Lena Dunham nude scene.[26]
Party members, and the party as a whole, lack credibility in their more
libertarian stances on the issues after the current dominant
fake faction gutted
the platform, crafted by libertarian intellectuals, as “too radical.”
Not that the radicals have distinguished themselves lately. Instead, we hear
from them blather about “the patriarchy” or “red state fascism.”[27]
So I had to vote in the March Republican primary to pick
candidates at least rhetorically motivated to roll back the size and scope of
government, in the best interests of the American bourgeoisie; and motivated to
criticize social attitudes that oppose those interests.[28]
More immediately, some of my picks won, all the better to predictably aggravate
the Chronicalistas and a couple of motherfuckers whose opinions are equally
stupid and who aren't real libertarians anyway.[29]
If nothing else, politics is useful for sticking it to people you don’t like,
until they either leave the polity or drop dead of strokes from their
aggravation, with its basis in their being wrong all the time. Politics as we
know it ends when the last environmentalist is strangled with the entrails of
the last social credit advocate.[30]
Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Yet on further reflection, it’s the participants in the
Democratic primary who might’ve caused more aggravation.
Black LaRouchie Kesha
Rogers is back and vexing my targets by getting enough votes for U.S. senator to
force a run-off primary. As before, Rogers calls for impeaching President Obama,
who’s left himself vulnerable for that twice – once involving his
Chicago
corrupt cronies, the other for military action against Libya without even the
pretense of consulting Congress.[31]
If she wins, there’ll be at least one reliable Senate vote for impeachment. Now
that’s a pinko agenda I can get behind.
Home | Archives |
NOTES
[1] Chang,
Julie. “Area Can’t Seem to Shake Winter’s Icy Grip.” AAS 4 Mar. 2014: A1.
[2] Mahoney,
Alyssa. “Icy Weather Drains City Safety Supplies.” DT 13 Feb. 2014: 1+;
National Research Council. Transportation Research Board. Highway
Deicing: Comparing Salt and Calcium Magnesium Acetate. Washington, D.C.:
Transportation Research Board, 1991: 140.
[3] AD No. 167n20
(Sep. 24, 2013); “Gateway Whole Foods to Revamp.” AAS 7 Jan. 2014: B5.
[4] AD No. 157n28
(Nov. 3, 2012).
[5] Kushner,
David. Jacked: The Outlaw Story of Grand Theft Auto. Hoboken, N.J.:
John Wiley & Sons, 2012: 276.
[6] Novak,
Shonda. “Nordstrom Planning New Store at Domain.” AAS 6 Mar. 2014: B5-6.
[7] “Impacts.”
Ed. Amy Denney. CIN Feb. 2014, Northwest Austin ed.: 7.
[8] Taylor,
Lyndsey. “Aging NW Austin Retail Buildings Receive Facelift.” CIN 19 Dec.
2013, Northwest Austin ed.: 27.
[9] Fawcett,
Thomas. “Kahil El’Zabar’s Ethnic Heritage Ensemble.” AC 14 Feb. 2014: 72;
Litweiler, John. The Freedom Principle: Jazz After 1958.
[10] Leland,
John. Hip: The History, rev. ed. New York City: HarperPerennial,
2005: 9.
[10] Lindell,
Chuck, and Jeremy Schwartz. “In One Minute, Horror Strikes.” AAS 14 Mar.
2014: A1+; McGuinness, Chris, and Courtney Griffin. “Killeen Man Arrested in
Fatal SXSW Crash.” Killeen Daily Herald 14 Mar. 2014: A1+; Mekelburg,
Madlin, and Jordan Rudner. “Survivors Reflect on Crash.” DT 17 Mar. 2014:
1+; O’Rourke, Ciara. “Third SXSW Crash Victim Dies.” AAS 18 Mar. 2014: A1+;
Rudner, and Hannah Smothers. “Motorist Charged in Thursday’s Fatalities.”
DT, Idem.; Ulloa, Jazmine, and Tony Plohetski. “Suspect in Crash a Killeen
Musician.” AAS, Idem.
[11] AD No.
105n59 (Feb. 27, 2008); AD No. 162n36 (March 30, 2013).
[12] AD No. 147n49
(Dec. 16, 2011); AD No. 150n52
(Apr. 16, 2012); Dexheimer, Eric, and Plohetski. “Police Consider Event
Safety System Effective.” AAS 14 Mar. 2014: A1+.
[13] Bowman, Thomas. “So Many Are Deluded.” Letter. AC 14
Mar. 2014: 8; Stith, Deborah Sengupta. “Speaking of Celebrities….” AAS 11
Mar. 2014: D3; Villalpando, Nicole, Stith, and Erin J. Walters. “Some Were
Ga-Ga, Others Gagged, at Lady Gaga Show.” AAS 15 Mar. 2014: B6.
[14]
Benestante, Brigit. “How to Avoid Festival Crowds Like a Local.” DT 6 Mar.
2014: 8.
[15] AD No.
163n35 (May 5, 2013); AD No. 171n12
(Dec. 20, 2013).
[16] Green,
Jonathon. Cassell’s Dictionary of Slang, rev. ed. London: Weidenfeld
& Nicolson, 2005: 1218; Hoffberger,
Chase. “Have You Seen Your Mother, Baby, Standing in the Shadows.” AC
14 Mar. 2014: 54-55.
[17] Wear,
Ben. “Drivers Face $500 Fine in Bus Lane Ordinance.” AAS 23 Jan. 2014: A+;
Whittaker, Richard. “Here Comes MetroRapid.” AC 24 Jan. 2014: 20-22.
[18] May,
Vince. “Bus ‘Rapid’ Transit.” AL 19 Jan. 2014: 3; May. “CapMetro Average
Weekday Ridership Same Now as It Was Nearly Two Decades Ago.” AL 16 Mar.
2013: 1.
[19]
Brouillette, Julia. “Fork-Attack Assailant Allegedly Flees the US.” DT 13
Jan. 2014: 1-2.
[20] “Police
Chief’s Comments Are Alarming, Aggressive.” DT 24 Feb. 2014: 4.
[21] AD No. 94n30
(Nov. 25, 2006); Coppola, Sarah. “Austin Has $14.2 Million Surplus.” AAS 13
Mar. 2014: A1+.
[22] Toohey,
Marty, and Asher Price. “Decline in Water Use Could Force Rate Hikes.” AAS
25 Feb. 2014: A1+.
[23] “The Big
News.” ABJ 7 Mar. 2014: A2.
[24] Felice,
Jory. “ ‘In ‘n’ Out Burger’ Bumper Stickers.” Retro Hell, 99; Wood,
Virginia B. “Food-O-File.” AC 27 Dec. 2013: 35.
[25] Aksyonov, Vassily. Ostrov Krym.
[26]
Derakshani, Tirdad. “Lena Dunham’s Real Reality.” Philadelphia Inquirer
16 Jan. 2014, South Jersey ed.: C2.
[27] Keaton,
Angela. “The Wars at Home: What Domestic Violence, Homophobia & Misogyny
Have to Do With Empire.” Libertopia 2013. Town & Country Resort and
Conference Center, San Diego. 31 Aug. 2013; Rockwell, Llewellyn H. Jr.
Fascism vs. Capitalism.
[28] “Primary
Election Guide 2014.” CIN Feb. 2014, Northwest Austin ed.: 18-19.
[29] King, Michael. “Primarily Texas.” AC 7 Mar. 2014: 10+.
[30] North,
Gary. Salvation Through Inflation: The Economics of Social Credit.
Tyler, Texas: Institute for Christian Economics, 1993.
[31] Eisler, Dan. “Today’s Pertinent Clip….” E-mail to Frank Rossi, 17
Mar. 2014; King, op. cit.